Loved and lost or never loved at all: Which way is better?
Having cried like a baby for the fourteenth time, I switch off the movie, ‘P.S. I Love You’. When the mascara-streaming, snot-pouring hideousness that this film bestowed upon me eventually subsides, I reach for the tissues and begin to analyse.
What is making me so sad, apart from the obvious heart-wrenching plot (of which seems to have become my latest, favourite type of self-sabotage)? I’m reminiscing over past all-encompassing love I once held dearly and then lost. People change, time marches on, life can be cruel. But the scattered ashes of emotion in the grounds of my soul remain solid, as if untouched by time. Somehow unaffected, it is embalmed within this infinite universe. Nothing can ever change this, whilst I am forever changed.
Memories of other relationships begin to seep in. The ones that didn’t go so well. You know the ones I’m talking about. Words of love were present, but the jigsaw would forever be incomplete. The one who never really loved – not in the way a person should. Niggles and worries are planted before the first morning together. Eventually, those doubts grow into shadows that darken all else. Possibilities of anything other than weeds growing become as likely as meeting Chris Hemsworth in Tesco. It’s never personal (on so many levels). This is the person who never allows love.
So, I ponder over which way of living is better. It’s tempting to sway towards never encountering a loss that cuts deep and never heals (for obvious reasons). But then, what are we all here for, if not to experience love, to be open and let someone in? Would we miss out on the whole purpose of existence?
Nothing lasts forever; thus, the odds of losing that relationship and love are as likely as getting a hole in your favourite socks. However, if you are lucky enough to find someone that can hold out their hand and cling to your heart, with an imprint that remains until the day you die, you have pretty much achieved life’s goal. Painful as it is to lose, just having that, knowing its truth should be the incredible take-away from it all. Life without such amazing beauty is simply no life whatsoever.