Loved And Lost Vs. Never Loved: Which Way Is Better?

Loved and lost or never loved at all: Which way is better?

The question of whether it is better to love and lose, or never love intensely at all poses itself to most of us (usually about a month after a breakup). Having cried like a baby for the fourteenth time, I switch off the movie, ‘P.S. I Love You’. When the mascara-streaming, snot-pouring hideousness that this film bestows upon me eventually subsides, I reach for the tissues and begin to analyse.

What is making me so sad, apart from the obvious heart-wrenching plot (of which seems to have become my latest, favourite type of self-sabotage)? I’m reminiscing over past all-encompassing love I once held dearly and then lost. People change, time marches on, life can be cruel.  But the scattered ashes of emotion in the grounds of my soul remain solid, as if untouched by time. Somehow unaffected, it is embalmed within this infinite universe. Nothing can ever change this, whilst I am forever changed.

loved and lost or never loved: which way is better?
Credit: Pixabay.com

Memories of other relationships begin to seep in. The ones that didn’t go so well. You know the ones I’m talking about. Words of love were present, but the jigsaw would forever be incomplete. The one who never really loved – not in the way a person should. Niggles and worries are planted before the first morning together. Eventually, those doubts grow into shadows that darken all else. Possibilities of anything other than weeds growing become as likely as meeting Chris Hemsworth in Tesco. It’s never personal (on so many levels). This is the person who never allows love.

So, I ponder over which way of living is better. It’s tempting to sway towards never encountering a loss that cuts deep and never heals (for obvious reasons). But then, what are we all here for, if not to experience love, to be open and let someone in? Would we miss out on the whole purpose of existence?

loved and lost or never loved: which is better?
Credit: Pixabay

Nothing lasts forever; thus, the odds of losing that relationship and love are as likely as getting a hole in your favourite socks. However, if you are lucky enough to find someone that can hold out their hand and cling to your heart, with an imprint that remains until the day you die, you have pretty much-achieved life’s goal. Painful as it is to lose, just having that, knowing its truth should be the incredible take-away from it all. Life without such amazing beauty is simply no life whatsoever.

5 Signs He’s Lying To You

Hey, Lovelies!

Ever get that gut feeling you are being lied to by your partner? I’m not talking about little fibs – I mean explosive ‘change everything forever’ types of whoppers. The gut instinct develops within us from birth. Darwin’s fight or flight theory to help us stave off would-be predators. Granted, it is not always right. However, if you are in a relationship and you get the overwhelming feeling things aren’t right, they usually aren’t. Here are 5 red flags to look out for:

1.Aggression

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Suddenly you are being insulted and shouted at for no reason whatsoever that you can imagine. As far as you remember, you didn’t torch his car or bury his favourite Xbox game. So, what’s the deal If he is being aggressive out of the blue? Generally, this is a sign he is feeling guilty about something and this is how is dealing with it. By keeping you at arm’s length and treating you this way there can be no intimate conversations and his behaviour can carry on with minimal thought.

2. Distance

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Unless you have been a total cow to him, or he has not been in your Corona bubble, the explanation may be that he is keeping things from you. He may be a bit blue or overburdened. However, if you add unusual distance to the other signs, it can be a red flag that he really doesn’t want to share. Thus, you are not getting the full story. He may want to end the relationship, or he may be hiding bad behaviour – either way, it shouldn’t be ignored.

3. Obvious Little Lies That Make No Sense

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If you are having a convo and he drops himself in it, with little lies for things that seem to have no point – it is often due to them being a cover-up for something far deeper. On the other hand, you could just be living with a compulsive liar – but then you would probably know that by now.

4. Blame

He is telling you his aggression is down to you – but you honestly cannot think of anything you have done that is different. If you keep being blamed, he is simply turning the tables back on you to avoid being under the spotlight. This is a sign he is not man enough to own whatever it is and definitely a sign there is zero respect. Move on.

5. Confusion

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This ties in with the other signs. You are completely dumbfounded at what could possibly be going on to warrant this alter ego, split personality attitude. It is total confusion and yet, still his bad behaviour continues. Put this red flag with the others and you have yourself a big problem. The solution? If you want it to work (really if he acts like this, why would you?) then give him the chance to spill. If he carries on, take it as your ticket to leave. There really is no future with a person who is willing to behave so badly. You deserve more!

Has The Lockdown Revealed The True State Of Your Relationship?

The lockdown has forced a spotlight on every relationship, revealing the true state of it (whether we want to look or not). Although difficult for some, in the long run, this should be regarded as a gift. Instead of viewing the lockdown time as misspent, we could potentially be saving ourselves from years of wasted precious time..

There’s nothing like being shut in a confined space with just your other half for 3 months to draw attention to unresolved issues or discovering new ones. In fact, given the insurmountable size of the elephant in the room, it is quite an astonishing level of avoidance you have mastered. Sound unpleasantly familiar? With a 40% increase in divorces, the pandemic has brought a plethora of harsh reality dishes to the global table. So, should the elephant be so big you can no longer escape the room, read on. Here are some common relationship situations and how to deal.

1.When You Should Wait and See How Your Relationship Progresses

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2020 has been one hell of a dive for everyone (apart from makers of disinfectant and face masks). Nothing is normal and stress is at an all-time high. Should you find yourselves at loggerheads and bickering over nothing, it may not be doom and gloom, just frustration. Being cooped up together with nothing else to focus on (other than hyped-up news reports), will cause the best-suited couples to fall out. If you feel you love each other, and the constant bickering is over nothing serious, just hang on in there. Take a breather in another room. Once life returns to its new normality, you will likely find so too will your relationship.

2. Relationship Truth: If You are Strangers Who Avoid Each Other

Has lockdown revealed the true state of your relationship?
Credit: Wiki

Scenario no.2: You both listen out for when the other person is about and wait for them to leave before going about your business. You manage to muster up a couple of forced pleasantries at best before dispersing into opposite ends of the house. You are 2 strangers with only space (and a twist of lemon) in between.  With a newfound face mask, you can’t be absolutely certain they are the person you moved in with (joke). Even though you are the only 2 people in your house and you have had zero human contact, you avoid each other. This is dire.

Life before lockdown enabled you to blanket over this stark situation. Work-life and hobbies were distractions. Now there are none and you are faced with reality. See this as a positive. In a sense, the lockdown has probably saved you years of future unhappiness in which you may have carried on pretending and muddling through. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt – life is too short to do this.

3. Relationship Over: You’ve Discovered He / She is Someone You Hate

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There is nothing like being stuck with someone 24/7 to uncover some truths. Have you? If you have found out his nasty ‘joke’ comments aren’t just down to a warped view of funny, but actually covering up a real sinister personality and you don’t feel safe, think on. If you are being blatantly lied to and you know there is a hidden agenda at play, run for the hills. Now is the time to be strong and reclaim your life. They have no right to take it. You deserve to be treated with real love. No one should have to live with a liar. No good can come of it. Be strong people, be strong.

4. Relationship in Question: You are Friends

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If your relationship has slipped from in love to ‘having a love for,’ this is a cause for deep concern. A situation that’s so hard to deal because neither of you will want to hurt the other person. Had it not been for the lockdown you would have plodded on together. If you have become friends with no attraction anymore, it is time to call it a day. No matter how difficult a pill it is to swallow.

Make sure it is not just a case of losing the spark. Sometimes couples go through a dip. Add extreme stress to the mix, and it is a recipe for rubbish times. If you have tried to do the romantic nights, wine and talks, etc, and there truly is nothing left, you need to face facts. Sit down together and have that chat. At the end of the day, nothing lasts forever, nothing stays the same. In that sense, neither do bad situations. Once you deal with a situation life will begin to improve.

For more relationship articles, read ‘5 Tips for Reigniting your Relationship.’

The Best Christmas Party Games (That Cost Nothing)

Hey Lovelies!

I have compiled a list of the best and most fun Christmas party games. This time of year causes so much financial strain – so don’t add to it with high-priced unnecessary games that probably won’t raise much of a giggle. The following party games cost nothing. Granted, (should you be an adult) some of them are a tad more enjoyable after a little vino – but hey, it’s Christmas so it’s okay!

Also, should anyone be worried about problems at Christmas you can read the best tips for avoiding stress and ensuring you have an awesome time here

1.For Everyone: The Bauble Game

best christmas party games that cost nothing: bauble game
Credit: Wikipedia

Simple yet incredibly fun – whether you are playing the game on Christmas eve with your children, or on Boxing Day evening with your drunken friends. Better yet, all you need is a bauble from your tree (just make sure you don’t grab a beauty gift bauble by accident, or you may not win).

The rules are: Line your baubles up (1 per player) on a smooth surfaced floor. Using a piece of card or A4 paper, the object is to waft your bauble to the finish line without touching it. First one wins. For extra competitive sparkle, delegate someone to blow a whistle for the game to commence. Definitely fun with a drink.

2.For Adults: Have You Ever?

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Make a list of crazy experiences on cards, beginning with “Have You Ever?’ Nominate someone to read out each card. Anyone who admits to any of the experiences on the cards must drink a shot of the other players’ choice. Last person left standing wins.

3.For All: Truth Or Lies?

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I absolutely love playing this Christmas party game – it never gets boring! The game can be formatted to be adult only or child-friendly versions. Basically, the game is a take-off from the very funny TV show, ‘Would I lie to You?’ If you haven’t seen it, it goes like this: Choose a theme (such as childhood experiences or past events).

Get 3 people to write down either a lie or something true about the theme. 2 people have to be lying and 1 is telling the truth. The other team listen whilst each statement is read out and then decide who is telling the truth. If they guess right the other team have to have a shot each.

For child-friendly versions, the winning team get to eat a chocolate or candy, or maybe choose a sour food for the losing team to eat (i.e. A piece of lemon). Just make sure before you begin that no one suffers from any allergies.

4.For All: Karaoke To YouTube

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Christmas party games which involve watching other people massacre songs without any awareness of how bad they sound (visuals of cats voluntarily flinging themselves in a river), are endlessly entertaining (just ask Simon Cowell). You can pick up a cheap mic from most places and now there are even microphones you can plug into your iPhone. However, should you not have one to hand, it doesn’t matter a scrap. People have to choose a song to sing to and the other team members score them from 1-5. After each person has had a go, the lowest scoring person must have to either: have a drink of the other team members choice, do a dare of the other team members choice or eat something they hate.

5.For All: What The Hell Am I Eating?

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This Christmas party game is so funny – but again, it is very important to ensure no one is allergic to anything beforehand – or it could end up being extremely unfunny. The general idea: Say, if you have 4 people blindfolded and one person supplying the food. A selection of delicacies is tried by each person. Firstly, with a peg on their nose and then again without the peg. The aim obviously is to guess correctly as to what they are tasting.

Each loser for each trial must either:  eat 2 mouthfuls of their most-hated food or drink; run down the street pretending to be a chicken; call someone up and tell them an outrageous lie or hop on one leg for 20 minutes. Clearly these rules can be adjusted to suit whoever plays the game.

All of these party games are fun and cost basically nothing!

Incase you are in the festive spirit and want to read more Christmas-related articles, you can check out ‘The Best Festive Jumpers Around’ here.

Happy Christmas everyone. xx

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